Although I’m not one to shy away from strange experiences in life, I take serious issue with this unwelcome guest outside my window. The finger’s motor echoes the sound of a meat grinder through my apartment 24/7 and seriously disrupts the comfort of my guests.

Also not being one to just go with the flow, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I simply climbed out my window and unplugged Santa’s nefarious finger. I had no idea what kind of madness would follow.

(In the photo above, my flat is the one closest to Santa’s belt, and my bedroom is directly behind his right elbow.)

After about two days of calm, all hell broke loose. It started with a cease and desist letter from my building manager simply stating “HEY GUYS. LEAVE SANTA ALONE. HE’S BEEN THERE LONGER THAN YOU.” Shortly after, everyone from my landlord to coworkers to friends of friends were pointing me in the direction of this fine piece of journalism by the New Zealand Herald:

Hunt for Scrooge who sabotaged Santa

Grinch-like neighbours are being blamed for bringing the famed Whitcoulls Santa to a grinding halt.

The finger-waving, winking St Nicholas that lords it over Queen St shoppers each  festive season has been frozen in action several times since he got on to his perch this year.

The article went on to incorrectly state the finger only operated between 8am and 6pm. This is now the case, but presumably only because I gave them crap. 

And by the way, I’m fully aware that dealing with Santa is part and parcel with living in this otherwise very cool building. That’s all fine and good, but anyone who bothers to check out Auckland Noise Control will know the law trumps any private contract.

And I got a nice big belly laugh from these final lines of the article:

Ebony Hallam said residents she knew liked having Santa there.

“For someone to do this [turn off the power] is actually quite hurtful.”

Another man described it as “a bit disturbing” that someone was unplugging Santa.

And once this article was published, some local radio stations apparently had a field day by filling their airtime with the Santa controversy. And local television news even ran a story. How sad.

So I have a couple of questions for the reporter of this story (Phoebe Falconer) or anyone else that cares to leave a comment:

1) Can we all agree this is a bullshit story to fill space in the media that would otherwise go to some other bullshit story? If anyone really gave a crap, the “hunt” may have included such tricky tactics like actually knocking on my door, or leaving a note in my mailbox asking for comment.

2) How was I actually “hurting” and “disturbing” anyone by unplugging Santa and reducing a blatantly unpleasant influence in society? The article itself acknowledges that Santa scares children. Common sense anyone?

3) Is this really the best use of our time? 

Okay, let’s all put on our ad executive hats for a minute.

As I was walking down the street in Parnell, Auckland the other day, I saw this ad for the Air New Zealand Fashion Week in the distance. As I got closer, my first thought was, of course, “Damn, she’s hot!” I then saw what the ad was for and thought “Oh, it’s just a fashion ad… big whoop.” Then as the background became clearer, I was thinking “That’s clever, they tied in a runway for both fashion and airplanes… cute.” So overall, a decent ad, but after I walked about 10 meters past it, EUREKA!!! That’s when I went back to take a photo and started drafting this post in my head.

So do you see what’s really cool about the ad? (Hint: think about it from a typical guy’s persepctive.)

Okay, if you don’t see it, here it is: a large, powerful, and unstoppable smooth shaft thrusting from behind toward a luscious and beautiful woman. Need I say more?

I personally think this is very cool, but you have to ask yourself whether the ad really suits the objectives of the Air NZ Fashion Week. I certainly don’t know for sure, but would the kind of people who find this ad appealing (e.g. me) also be the kind of people likely to attend a fashion event? Seems questionable at least.

But on the other hand, the ad was obviously good enough to get me to write about it and consequently raise awareness of the event (even though it’s over at this point.) So maybe that was the point, and if so, job well done!

I’ll let you decide the verdict – just leave a comment.

(And for extra points, if someone from Air NZ or the Fashion Week staff leaves a comment within 48 hours – a totally reasonable marketing effort – they will have my eternal admiration.)

So I was having dinner with my friend Priscilla at a Japanese restaurant last night, and realised that Asian restaurants are missing out on a huge opportunity. As with almost any non-Asians, both of us had pretty much no idea what all of the options were on the menu, and we ended up making a little game out of the experience of guessing what we were ordering.

So instead of keeping their customers in the dark, or futily trying to explain all of the options for their patrons, I think Asian restaurateurs should leverage this opportunity by providing an incentive for the customers to play such a game.

I think the best model would be to provide one free desert for each group table and letting the customers pick and mutually judge their own game – something like “Pick a random menu item, and whoever’s order turns out closest to their guess will get the desert.” A little card on the table could explain the incentive and provide game suggestions.

This would have a couple of positive effects: encouraging groups to patronize the restaurant, incentivizing the “losers” to buy their own deserts, creating a memorable and fun experience, and most importantly, creating repeat business in a highly competitive industry.

So would you play the Asian Mystery Menu game?

My friend Susan, who is Taiwanese, really helped me realise this by telling me how she has been having difficulties socially assimilating into the New Zealand culture. I figured that if a person of university age was having that difficulty here in New Zealand, which is supposed to be a very socially tolerating culture, it couldn’t get any easier elsewhere in the world. I also had a date with a Korean girl a week or so after that happened and although I enjoyed myself, there just wasn’t a solid connection in thoughts and ideas.

When I describe these people as Taiwanese and Korean, I’m not talking about what they look like, where their parents are from, or even where they were born, but where they actually grew up and became cultured.

I was hoping to travel to India sometime this year to see a friend I worked with at my old telephone job, but I’m opting out of that partially because of the money, but even if I did have the money, India isn’t a place I could ever see myself living. If I’m going to plunk down a few grand at this point in time I want to go someplace I might want to immigrate to eventually. I’d rather spend that money on my trip back to the States where I hope to see New York, Las Vegas, and Seattle around New Years, or on a trip to Europe at some point in time. I’ll save the trips to Asia, Africa, and the Middle East for when I have millions of dollars and just want to leave reality for a few weeks.

Something else that has caught my attention while cycling around Auckland is how the streets are in really good condition almost everywhere. More importantly though, there is no distinct trend for the location of roads that are slightly less than ideal. That’s more than can be said about the roadways in Cincinnati. In Cincinnati, the privilege of being able to drive, or in my case cycle, on smooth roads is reserved mostly for the people who live in areas that are generally more affluent, vote more regularly, and therefore have the attention of the local politicians. I thought about that every time I went for a cycle in Cincinnati and it would just piss me off that a situation like that could exist. The sad thing about it though is that the population (which I was certainly a part of) was just as much to blame as the politicians; it’s one big catch-22.

I never really pursued any type of activism in Cincinnati for, well, anything, because I never saw myself as having a long-term future there. I thought that might change once coming to New Zealand, but it hasn’t really. There isn’t any place that I see a long-term future for myself at the moment, so I don’t have much motivation for trying to make any dramatic changes in my environment. I know that might sound selfish, but it’s honest and I’d bet 95% of the people reading this think the same way. However, my definition of dramatic is probably larger than most peoples’. I have been pursuing some small changes in my immediate environment such as trying to get a change machine installed in my dorm. (The laundry machines only take dollar coins so people hoard them lake crazy or stress about finding them before they wash their clothes.) I also have a few other ideas if the change machine is successful, but they’re not as developed and I don’t want to raise the expectations by talking them up now.

When I started writing this, I thought I would stick to the public services topic, but once I start writing it’s not easy to stop. I should do it more often, I know, but I just dont have enough thoughts, or maybe just energy, to do this every day.